How I Started Rebuilding a More Creative Life

How Losing My Soul Cat Changed Everything

There are some souls that enter your life and quietly shape the entire shape of it.

For me, that soul was my cat. Penelope aka Bigs.

A sweet picture of my soul cat Bigs

I had her from the time I was 18 years old until I lost her at 39. Twenty-one years of unconditional love, comfort, and companionship woven into nearly every chapter of my adult life.

She wasn’t “just a pet.”

She was my constant. My safe place. My home.

She traveled with me from Okinawa to Tucson, where we spent twenty years together. She was there through nearly every major chapter of my life — not only the hardest moments, but some of the happiest ones too.

She was there when I moved across the world to another country.
When I built a new life.
When I bought my very first home.
When I became a mother.

And eventually, she became best friends with my daughter too.

Watching the two of them together felt like watching two pieces of my heart meet each other.

Through every season of life, she stayed beside me.

She sat with me through divorce.
Through the loss of my grandparents.
Through chronic illness.
Through heartbreak, uncertainty, grief, and rebuilding.

But she was also there for laughter.
For quiet mornings.
For milestones.
For holidays.
For late-night writing sessions.
For the ordinary little moments that somehow become the biggest parts of a life.

No matter what life looked like, she was there.

I think animals love us in a way that is incredibly pure. They don’t care about success, appearance, productivity, or whether we have everything figured out. They simply stay beside us. Quietly loving us through it all.

For most of my life, I had been writing stories.

I started creative writing when I was around twelve years old. Over the years, I came close to finishing three different young adult novels. I carried entire worlds inside of me — characters, magic systems, stories, emotions, dreams.

But somehow, I could never fully bring them to life.

Then I lost her.

And when she passed away, something inside of me cracked wide open.

The grief was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It felt like there was a giant hole in my heart where she used to be. The silence felt unbearable. I missed her presence in every tiny part of daily life.

But somehow, alongside the grief…

I also felt her.

Not physically. Not in a way I can fully explain.

But almost like an angel still beside me.

Guiding me.
Encouraging me.
Helping me reconnect with my creativity in a deeper way than I ever had before.

It felt like a floodgate opened.

After years of struggling to finish stories, I suddenly began creating nonstop. Ideas poured out of me. Inspiration seemed to appear everywhere — in dreams, emotions, healing, imagination, memories, nature, and love itself.

In one single year, I wrote ten children’s books.

Ten.

And it all started with her.

She became the spark that reignited something inside me that had been dormant for years — the force that helped me finally express the creativity I had carried inside of me for so long.

Losing her also changed the way I view death.

Through grieving her, I found myself deeply connected to the idea of the Rainbow Bridge — the belief that the souls we love are never truly gone. That love continues beyond this life. That death is not an ending, but a transformation.

And somehow, even now…

I still feel her beside me.

A picture of Bigs crossing the Rainbow Bridge

Love never ends.

Death is only someone waiting for us in another room. Another space. A beautiful rainbow bridge connects us.

That belief brought me comfort during some of my darkest moments.

I truly believe our connections with the souls we love continue.

I believe love leaves an imprint that never disappears.

And deep in my heart, I know I will see her again someday.

That thought used to make me cry.

Now, somehow, it makes my heart smile.

Because love like that does not end.

It transforms.

And maybe sometimes, the souls we lose become the very light that helps guide us back to ourselves.

Losing her inspired not only my creativity, but also my desire to help others navigating the heartbreak of losing beloved animal companions.

One of the very first books born from that healing journey was The Love in Your Purr — a gentle story inspired by the unconditional love our animals leave imprinted on our hearts forever.

✨ You can find the book here:
The Love in Your Purr

The Book I wrote about Bigs called The Love In Your Purr

I also created a healing meditation/frequency video for anyone grieving the loss of a cherished pet — a peaceful space filled with love, remembrance, healing energy, and comfort for the Rainbow Bridge journey.

✨ Watch the healing meditation here:
Rainbow Bridge Healing Meditation

A Healing Frequency Meditation for the Rainbow Bridge I created on YouTube

If you are grieving a beloved animal companion right now, I hope you know this:

Their love does not disappear.

It changes form.

And sometimes the ones we miss most are still quietly guiding us toward healing, creativity, love, and light from somewhere beyond what we can see.